Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My Dalliance

I think everybody is different when it comes to coping with pain and frusration over their relationship with their married partner. I have my own ways to deal with mine.
What I've learned throughout the relationship with Paul over the years is that I have the strength I never thought exsited within myself. The patience, or testing my boudaries, or putting the brave face for my child even when things get rocky with him.
Being a woman, I'm not that good with separating two things; mind and body. And even it's an unwritten law - never to fall in love with a married partner, I couldn't stop falling in love with him - it was inevitable. I knew it would come with a price, but I dove in with a smile on my face. And I'm glad I did...
When I saw him on my birthday morning, all my feelings were validated, that the chance I took with him gave me something that I would have never experienced with anyone else - Rush, lust, love, dream and the friendship that I thought long gone are still with me and with him, in both of our lives. We're giving each other some things to make both of us so, very human again. And as much as it hurts sometimes, he is someone I will cherish with all my heart.

Friday, October 9, 2009

It All Started With Second Kiss

Our first kiss wasn't all that great. With all the emails we had exchanged piror to our first date, we were so anxious and pressured ourselves way too much. So when it happened we're so nervous, it was laughable. I didn't want him to think that I was a lousy kisser and he didn't want me to think he was a bad kisser. So we decided to try again and promised to have a second date..

Two weeks later, we met at a coffee shop and walked to the movie theatre. It's a movie date... We sat on the seats, pulled up the arm rest between us, so we could sit closer.

I felt that he was nervous again. I was so nervous that maybe he could hear my heartbeat. The movie began, but no sign of him initiating the contact. We were sitting in silence and I realized an hour had already passed without both of us touching each other. I was getting frustrated and getting anxious. Finally, I had to lean and whisper in his ear, "So, when are we going to make out? Or are we just going to see this movie and go home?"

Paul finally smiled and position himself towards me. I smiled and postioned myself towards him. "Hi there," I said. I saw his face getting close to me and finally, our lips met for the second time. Oh forget it, he had me at second kiss - his soft lips. It was so amazing. Then we kissed again and again. We couldn't stop kissing each other. Our lips, our tongues, our juices - we were both losing ourselves in the dark theatre like two kids in lust.

He once told me it starts with a kiss... He was right. It was the beginning of our sweet affair...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Secret Dalliances





I have been thinking a lot about this Letterman scandal and how this news has affected me, causing me to think over my relationship. Letterman is my favorite late night talk show host and I fully give him the credit for coming clean and even trying to tell his embarrassing past with wit and humor.

But I know it's been hard for him and his family. The humiliation and the fear of losing everything - it's heartbreaking. Remember, when these dalliances occurred, he wasn't married to his wife - he was in the committed relationship with her. Still, it wouldn't make it okay to cheat, would it?

But, let's not kid ourselves, it's me who's talking - the one who's having a secret dalliance myself. So my thinking is this; what would I do, if someone was to reveal my relationship with Paul (my lover) - Would I be able to act as honorably as Letterman, give my spouse a sincere apology and try to fix the problems at home front or would I run away from everything?

Letterman is a public figure, so he has no choice, but to make everything public. I still think he acted with dignity and I must tell ya', he's funny. I know that being the wife of a celebrity it is hard enough to go through this type of scandal, but if you're not a politician or a celebrity, then this is just another story of infidelity. I think things would be even uglier and more complicated for us ordinary people..

The only thing for sure is when a secret dalliance is revealed; it will either break your marriage or strengthen it. And I hope my case would be the latter - I surely hope so.

Friday, October 2, 2009

My New Journey

I never thought I'd fall in love again. I thought I'd stay madly in love with my husband, but instead, I've fallen in love with someone else... Was it intentional? I don't know. But I know this for sure - I was lonely, extremely lonely. I craved for intimacy - those skin on skin moments. I longed for affection and being adored by her husband. I dreamed of mind blowing sex. But It seems all of these things have disappeared from my life. I was screaming for attention when my husband refused to hear me. I was slowly dying inside.

Then I met my knight in shining armour. And he changed my life. He made me realize I am still a woman, that I'm beautiful and still got it.

The relationship I have with my lover is not all rosey and dreamy things, but I can honestly say that I'm lucky, so damn lucky. And I want to remember everything; the sweet nibbles in the beatufiul afternoon in the hotel room, or warm embrace in the shower, or passionate kisses in the car, or laughter in bed under the white sheets. I don't want to forget it. That's why I decided to start my blog. This blog is my memoirs of infidelity; past, present and future - and the place where I can be me....

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